Ag Lining

24Jan11

One thing that has become abundantly clear with my increased dating and it’s correlated increased sexual activity – I am severely out of shape in terms of endurance, stamina, resistance, and flexibility.

I joined a gym that’s around the corner from my place, and also started attending weekly yoga classes that are headed by a friend of mine.  After a few weeks of mixed classes at the gym combined with the yoga, I’m already noticing increased endurance and flexibility.

Around my fat, that is.  My limiting factor wouldn’t be my joints, but more so the padding that encases them.

Sunday night I had what I’ll perceive to be the apex of my self-esteem crisis; working out and watching what I eat for the past few weeks has yielded next to no results.   I notice I’m gaining muscle and strength, but I’m not losing fat and therefore, not losing weight.  Between the gym and all the sex being had on the weekend, I just feel like I should be seeing some results.

Thus, self-esteem crisis.

In the past I’ve chosen to end things, or even not get involved at all, with guys based on their physical shape.  Not necessarily the shape themselves (i.e. how fat they are), but more so what they can do with their body.  I like to hike, swim, walk – essentially do physical things.  I had put weight back on slowing down my lifestyle for my last partner, so I resolved I wouldn’t do that again.  So yeah, maybe I was a bitch for discriminating against a guy if he was out of shape and wasn’t willing to start getting more active.  It was a dealbreaker for me.

So I find it ironic that the shoe is potentially on the other foot.  Dex is in ridiculous shape and highly active, and has an endurance I have never seen in my life.  I’ll admit it’s intimidating, and has me worried at times that down the line he might realize I’m not quite as dedicated to the whole ‘my body is a temple’ lifestyle.   Karma’s a bitch like that.

Then again I did a slight bit of facebook stalking today, and lo!  Photos have demonstrated that his ex girlfriend was chubby also.  So I am not too fat for him, and he probably does genuinely like my shape.  It reassured me for a moment, before my brain pondered the idea that he might be a chubby chaser.

So I ate some Toblerone bar, just to be safe.

“Experience tells you what to do; confidence allows you to do it.” – Stan Smith

Filed under: Catalysts   |  1 Comment
Tags: confusion, Dex, emotions, Inconclusive Results, intimacy, self-analysis, Sex, the ego