Catch 52

17Jan11

Well, it’s been an eventful few weeks.

Last weekend I had my date on Friday with Dex, which I actually blogged about earlier.  What I failed to blog about was what happened on the Sunday.  Here’s the skinny – I had something I’ve been meaning to tell Dex for awhile but I just could never find the right timing to reveal.  A secret of sorts, though not exactly.  More like an aspect of my personality to which he might not have been aware, but that I felt he needed to hear.

Last Sunday I messaged to see if he wanted to go for breakfast, figuring I’d throw it out there during the meal.  But we sat there chatting, and I couldn’t bring myself to tell him.  We went and did some errands, and then when dropping him off I asked to use the washroom.  After he took the dog for a quick walk, we sat down on the couch.  I was fine until he pulled me over for a hug, then gave me a kiss.  Then I started to waiver again, wondering if I was doing the right thing.  I knew I had to tell him, but at the same time I realized while sitting there that I didn’t want to lose him.  I was attached, perhaps too attached for my own good.

It was upsetting, but in the end I told him.  He stroked my back and listened, not saying anything as I let it all out.   When it was all done we sat in silence, with me staring at my fingers and picking at my nails.    After about the five minute mark his hand went under my chin, lifting my head so that he could kiss me.  In that kiss was .. well, it was overwhelming.  Where I will admit that most of our kisses to that point were good, they didn’t cause any tingles in my stomach or electricity across my skin.  When his lip touched mine in that moment, it felt hungry and possessive.  It was full of passion, and my entire body felt on fire.  The sex that came afterwards was different from any that we had prior to that day, and I realized my revelation had truly changed the path of things in our relationship.

I spent the entire week convinced he was going to break up with me.  Luckily it was a busy week at work, and I spent a lot of time at the gym, so really it was only about 4 hours a day I spent curled up on the couch obsessed with these thoughts.

When Saturday morning rolled around, I laid in bed for about 45 minutes trying to will myself back to sleep.  Took an excessively long shower.  Moisturized every inch of my body.  Checked all email, websites, twitter feeds, etc.  Took my time getting ready.  Pondered the weather.  Brushed the snow off my car with slowest pace available to man.  Essentially, dragged my heels at every available moment.

I knocked on the door and he answered, giving me a kiss.  His lips felt different to me.  As I made breakfast we made idle chitchat, and when he kissed me it felt like it had in the prior weeks.  Nice, but not the same reaction as the week before.   We spent the afternoon curled up on the couch, reacquainting ourselves in a sort of manner.  I remembered how well his body fits in with mine, and how soft his lips are when the kiss my forehead.   Those things accelerated my pulse and made me feel like nothing had changed.

We went for a walk to get some coffee, then later went to get some indian food for dinner.   The weather took a turn for the worst, so I asked if I could stay at his place for the night.  He said he wouldn’t have it any other way, we curled up on the couch and watched some movies while a blizzard raged outside.   We eventually went to bed, where I fell asleep curled up with him at my back, and his dog nestled up against the front of my legs.

When we woke up in the morning we laid in bed, cuddling and just talking.  He dragged me out of bed and made me breakfast, rushing over to pull out my chair at the table before I sat down.  Being always the gentleman.  We then curled up on the couch and spent the afternoon watching tv, just chatting.  Of all the things we did this weekend:  him cooking me food, going out for a wonderful dinner, watching movies, or the sex .. I think the conversations we had were my favorite parts.  He’s an amazingly smart guy who’s brain never ceases to amaze (and arouse)  me.   Time with him seems to always go so fast, even though we spend a large chunk together. Which is why I made a weeknight date with him, to make getting to the weekends a little more bearable.

I am smitten.  I worry that he is too good for me, and one day he is going to realize this.  Or I used to worry about this, but now I think I’m going to focus on how good he is with me and let things play out as they will.

(Possibly a reused quote below, but completely applicable in this case)

“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity” – Albert Einstein

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Tags: affection, dating, Dex, emotions, geeks, human contact, intimacy, kissing, Relationships, Sex, the unknown