Primary Kisses [2010]


It was a Friday, and I was C’s date to her office xmas party.  It was open bar, and though at first I was resistant to the idea of getting shitfaced, I ended up succumbing to the peer pressure of being surrounded by drunk people.  Combined with barely sleeping, and barely eating, copious amounts of alcohol were possibly a horrible idea.

As the night progressed I got drunker and drunker, and C began disappearing for longer periods of time.  There were two guys that I found particularly interesting to talk to:  R and E.  R was the typical introverted geek guy, to which I was naturally attracted because his social awkwardness mirrors mine.  E .. well that was an interesting one.  He was cute, funny, and very much my type in the rugged badboy way.  When his hand grazed my shoulder the first time, lingering as he moved past me .. I found it odd.  But I was drunk and dismissed it.  Later that night, while knocking around the idea of making out with R, I turned in my chair to find E sitting next to me.

At this point, I became a lost cause.

We decided to do more tequila shots, but they wouldn’t give us any.  So we pretty much drank anything they would give us.  We were downing full drinks (50:50 alcohol to diluent) like they were shots; I lost count of how many we had.  I remember drinking ginger and ryes while grinding against his crotch near the bar.  Next thing I remembered was us on the dance floor, me barely staying standing while he whispered in my ear about wanting to take me back to his place.  I told him repeatedly I came with C, but he insisted she wouldn’t notice I’d be gone.  She’d be happy I went home with him, because “he’s a nice guy, and I’m a hot girl, and we should be having some fun”.  He continued to try and get into my panties while we wobbled, spilling our drinks all over the place and all over ourselves.

At some point, while E tried to convince another girl to make out with some random guy, he said “it’s all cool man, I’ve got a girlfriend, she’s got a boyfriend, and we’re still all good.  It means nothing!”.  And I remember my alcohol-filled brain thinking ‘wait a minute…’ before I blurted out “I don’t have a boyfriend”.  “Sure you do!”, he laughed and hugged me.  “Uh, no I don’t”, I replied.  “Yes you do!”, he insisted.  “No, and I think you’re sketchy, and not as cute now” I told him as I pushed off and wandered to find C.

We collected our coats and went to the after-party party at another bar, where I was so hammered that the idea of another drink made me want to throw up.  So I sat on a barstool, and somehow ended up with both R and E, again.  I distinctly remembering saying something about it being ‘awkward’ and about considering ‘kissing each of them’ at one point, before I clearly reminded E that he has a girlfriend, and he’s shady.  He kept saying “it’s complicated!  She’s barely even in the picture!”.  I kept responding “even complicated, it’s wrong, you’re a bad idea”.  When I fell off my stool a few minutes later and landed on my knees, he was the first person to help me up and kiss them better.

As we got ready to leave, I decided to kiss both charming boys on the cheek.  I kissed E first, a very innocent cheek kiss, but then as I turned away he grabbed my arm and dragged me back.  I ended up crashing into his body, his drink spilling all over both of us as his mouth smashed itself against mine.  It was a drunken and a hungry “I want sex” kiss.  It made me feel dirty and horrible, and I pulled away and told him he was an ass.  He laughed and tried to talk me into going home with him, while rubbing himself against my leg one last time.  I told him no, called him a jerk and told him he didn’t deserve to have a girlfriend.  When I kissed R’s cheek, the poor thing looked petrified.

First and last kiss with E.  On the plus side, I’ve learned that I can still decipher right from wrong even when totally shitfaced.  Slimeball, but he was a pretty damn good kisser.


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