Juxtaposition

08Sep10

While I am a fan of mystery and surprises, I also have a rather strong dislike walking on eggshells, waiting for the inevitable.

(I also dislike eggplant, people who confuse homonyms, and rush hour traffic)

I’ll be the first to admit that I missed having Darwin around when he was off on his honeymoon, since over the past few years we’ve pretty much gotten into the habit of talking practically every day.  Even though I changed shifts we’ve still managed to talk frequently enough, erasing any concern that we’d fall out of touch.

But each time he messages me, I have this feeling of apprehension.  It’s like I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop with him, which essentially translates to :  when is he going to ask about the friend.

Since I didn’t blog about it before, might as well address it now.  Darwin’s stag and doe was on the Saturday, and come the Tuesday I found him asking if I liked his friend.  I told him no, that I didn’t really see him like that because he was so adamant that we’d be a bad pair.  He said maybe, but if we were interested he’d be willing to hook us up.  I told Darwin that I found him fun and he made me laugh, I didn’t really look at him in that way.  He asked if I was sure, and then he let the matter drop.

The following day at work I was going over the conversation with a girlfriend, and she turned to me and asked “well, what did he think of you?”.  I looked at her, clearly dumbfounded, and she asked “does his friend like you?  You asked him if he was interested didn’t you?”.  And honestly, I had never even thought of it.  I explained to her it wouldn’t have changed anything since I wasn’t interested, but apparently as a woman it was a fundamental requirement to find out if he was into me.

So naturally the next day when talking to Darwin, I asked.  And he laughed, oh how he laughed.  He asked why I was asking, and I told him apparently I was supposed to the other day but had forgot.  As he teased me over being a girl the topic got lost, so I never really got an answer.  Nor did I really care.

When I told my next friend about it and she asked the same thing, I just told her “no”.  So much simpler.

So naturally I have this gut feeling that round two is about to approach, especially after being caught having the lengthy conversation that we did.  Unfortunately I can’t say that anything has really changed; I still don’t look at him in that way.

Or maybe I just subconsciously want him to be interested in me so that I’d feel flattered.

Perhaps I should be flattered in the idea of being flattered by him possibly being interested in me.

Or flattered by the flattery of the idea of being flattered by the … oh forget it.

In all affairs it’s a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted.” — Bertrand Russell

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