The Mathematics of Love


Talking with C yesterday, I made the observation that I haven’t blogged for over a month .. anywhere really.  Her reply was simply “I noticed”, and sometimes I forget that, though my blogs are primarily for me to keep track of the goings in my life, others do in fact read them.  Not the masses, nor is it anything groundbreaking, but point being that people do follow them, and it gives them a glimpse into things going on that I might not normally talk about.

So while I have about five things (!!) to write about, my primary focus right now resides in what I’ve been spending some of my weekend time doing in this past month:  watching chick flicks.  I constantly struggle with my girl gene; sure I wear lots of dresses, skirts and heels, have long hair and never leave the house without mascara.  But I still find I struggle so much with being a girl on a mental and emotional level. I love being a girl, but I just find it hard to relate to how they feel, and how they approach men.  I approach a guy and engage him in dialogue as you would a friend, where most girls start off with flirtation.  Here in lies the difference.

So the past month has been spent watching entirely too many Nicholas Sparks movies, which have taught me nothing (other than the fact that he is incapable of writing a story where someone does not die).  I watched Leap Year, which I later went to buy on dvd because I found it adorable.  I watched When In Rome, which again amused the crap out of me.  And today I dove into Letters from Juliet.  And here are the things that I’ve dragged away from all of these movies:

(a)  Falling in love is never easy.

(b)  The universe throws as many obstacles into your path as humanly possible, making you work hard for your impending relationship.

(c)  In most cases, you or the other person will be with someone else, so you have to wait until all ties are severed before you can be together.

(d)  Often enough you live in different countries, so someone has to relocate.

(e)  Humans are so emotionally withdrawn these days, it’s a miracle anyone ever hooks up.

(f)  Odds are you will start out hating the person, but in the end you’ll love them.  No worries.

These movies have done nothing to restore my faith in the whole idea of romance and love.  In fact, they do nothing but confirm for me the notion that falling in love is nothing more than random chance; you’re just as probable to hit that magic number on a roulette wheel as you are of meeting the person you’re to be with for the rest of your life.  Or better put, the person you will love forever.

This brings me back to my old belief that if people were willing to put time and effort into it, they could probably have a relationship with almost anyone that they encounter in their lives.  Sure, there are going to be cases where the differences are too large or too numerous, but if you look at a large portion of the people who are in your life, people with whom you share interests or ideals, well those are building blocks my friend.  Those shared interests are your nucleotides, the things that bind you together.  And each base pair that is complimentary and forms a unit together serves to further draw your two helices closer to one another, until the two of you are one long strongly bonded chain.

But I understand what is missing from the above scenario – love.  I just can’t help but feel this day in age that the whole concept of love is blown out of proportion.  When watching this movies, they just fill your mind with this notions of what love should be like.  They’re like prions, eating away portions of your brain that you actually need, removing from it all sensibility, and filling the gaping holes with society’s viewpoint on how relationships should work.

I’m sorry, but I shouldn’t have to be chasing after a man I think I love in order to meet the one I’ll really love.  I shouldn’t have to stare from a distance, wishing that someday my best friend will fall for me.   I shouldn’t have to conquer every one of my fears in order to get to the person I care for.  Nor should we have to wait 10 years to finally have everything fall into place, or survive some great adversity in order to ‘bond’ and admit we care for one another.

The only thing of value I’ve retracted from all the girly-bs with which I have  been bombarded lately is this:  that sometimes the people you like might actually like you as well.   Maybe they are just as shy as you are, or are afraid that you just see them as a friend, and that’s why they haven’t said anything to you.  You can dance around each other for years, until eventually those feelings dissipate …

… but what if you actually told them that you cared?  Sure, you might lose that friend.  But on theflipside, you  might gain a partner for life.  Or even more socially-appropriate:  someone you can love forever.

In conclusion, I turn to xkcd for the wisdom of explaining my brain on love:


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