Infinity

06Sep10

As for the rest of my life .. I’m not exactly sure where to even start, so I’ll use Darwin’s wedding as a reference point.  It was almost a month ago, so it’s as good a place to start as any.

I mentioned before that Darwin had this thing about trying to set me up with one of his friends .. wait did I post about that?  Or did I just plan to do so and never did?  Either way, after his engagement party a few months back Darwin had asked me if I was interested in one of his friends.  I told him no, and he went on to talk about how if I had been he wanted to set us up as dates for his wedding.  This friend of his is someone that I play games with, so the idea of a bad set-up really did not appeal to me.  I don’t want to lose a gaming buddy after all.  This was my first wrong line of thought.

I mean, how am I ever going to meet a potential partner if I always worry that I might lose a possible gaming buddy/friend.  Sad fact of the matter is that I end up friends first with most people I date, so if I abide by this line of thought I’ll never get laid again.  I mean, ahem …

Either way, the night before the wedding I crashed at Darwin’s place with him, his buddy, and another of the groomsmen.  His friend and I spent a good chunk of time in his living room chatting, and my only contention for the sleeping arrangements that night were that I didn’t share the same space as his friend.   We’d done it before, on separate couches, and I just didn’t sleep well at all.

So naturally we both got stuck in the living room.

/dramatic sigh

Laying in the dark, we were chatting away until he fell asleep in  mid conversation with me.  The next morning I woke up first, got ready and prettied up in about 15 minutes, then went over to make sure he was awake.  I helped him get his suspenders and other tux components on properly, then I was off to do my errands, then the wedding, and more errands.  Throughout the day we talked here and there, but we never got a real chance to sit down and chat.  We stood around talking with another groomsman before the dinner started, but otherwise we were in different circles.   I got put at a table with a bunch of strangers, with whom I seemed to bond equally with the girls and the guys.  However at one point the girls pointed out I should shift seats, since I was more into the dialogue about old school cartoons that the boys were having than interior decorating.

As I was getting ready to leave I ended up running into the buddy in the lobby and we stood around talking for a bit, then he sat down, so I followed suit, curling up on the couch.  And there we sat, talking for what had to be close to an hour.  And the topics, well they started simple enough with gaming and work, but then got into deeper territory which started setting off warning bells to me.   Quality of people and the friendship they offer, feeling accepted/rejected by society, fake people, past relationships, having a midlife crisis at a wedding (that one was not mine).  There was so  much serious talk, and it was a side of him that I had honestly never seen before.  Every occasion prior to that had always seen him being really hyper and fun, and that night it was like the wedding had done something to him.

I’m not saying that I changed my mind on being set up with him; I still think we’re not very compatible in the grand scheme of things.  But I still found it interesting to see that side of him.  Before I left he gave me a hug, but we haven’t talked much since then.  Darwin hasn’t brought up fixing us up again either, but he has been a little busy with post-honeymoon things as well.  Life’s little bonuses.

Last Friday I had a second date with the guy I went out with in July; I was actually going to reschedule it to this past Friday but he got annoyed at that suggestion (since he already waited three weeks for that one).  Fair enough, but I just couldn’t get really excited for it.  I was more into the idea of seeing the movie than I was of spending time with him.  We had fun, with conversation going steadily through dinner, walking around a bookstore afterwards, then enjoying the movie.  But after the date it was just so … detached.  He didn’t offer to walk me to my car, nor did he give me a hug.  I wish I could say I was disappointed by his lack of interest, but in a way I think I felt relieved.   Obviously he was on the same page of platonic that I was, so I wasn’t going to have to worry about disengaging myself.  But then he texted me on the Monday morning like nothing weird happened.  We haven’t really talked since, it being my choice.

Back in July, I dared C to join eharmony on a whim.  The agreement was that I would join, then she would.  And honestly this was my only reason to do it because I think dating sites are a load of crap.  However, an odd side-effect came out of all of this:  I started getting messages from men.  When I signed up it was a free communication weekend, so we sent messages back and forth.  Some had kids, or interests that didn’t mesh with mine, so I never answered.  But for a few we exchanged things back and forth.  Then free-time ended, and I didn’t really log in.  I kept getting communications from guys, but couldn’t answer because I refuse to pay for that crap service.

The irony being that I’ve actually found a few interesting guys on that site.  The one lives about 20 minutes from me, and originally I classified as a bad match due to his dislike of women who are overweight.  I actually sent him a message told him it was silly, in the sense that if someone is 10 lbs over what the medical field deems ‘ideal weight’ for your age and height, you’re technically overweight though you may still be a size 8.  We went back and forth a bit, and he agreed it was a little limiting, and retracted that restriction on his interests.  I told him he’s entitled to his right to like specific types of people, but if that was his type then I wasn’t going to fit that mold for him.  If anything I’d overfill it.  He swatted that away and reasserted his desire for us to  meet up for coffee sometime.

Which leaves me in a bit of a predicament.  On one hand I’m curious, but all this blind internet dating stuff … it just doesn’t sit right with me.  Yes I know tons of people who met on these sites and had success, but I don’t know if it’s for me.  Maybe I’m discriminating against dating sites, but it’s just how I feel.  I’m so apprehensive about the idea of coffee with this guy.  I don’t know if it’s the weight thing, or if it’s just the dating site thing.  But something is making me leery of meeting him.  And he seems like a perfectly sensible guy who likes video games, but yeah.  It is what it is.

We exchanged outside emails, so I guess time will tell.

Oh and the fifth thing?  I don’t have a crush on anyone.  In fact, I haven’t been interested in someone for a pretty long while.  I’d dare to say since the new year, when Chaos did his last act of pure assholeness.  But I won’t say that, because I refuse to give him the possible satisfaction of that accomplishment.  Instead I’ll just say it’s been awhile.  Except for Joseph-Gordon Levitt, which is totally impractical, and thus a safe crush for me to continue.

We demand guaranteed rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty.” — Douglas Adams

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2 Responses to “Infinity”

  1. 1 h

    This post was far less depressing than the other one. But go! Date! You know I date vicariously through you, non? (I’ll be honest, that’s why I read [well, that and the pictures])

    All in all: new posts… yay!

    • 2 keewt

      I didn’t know that actually, I thought you were dating yourself. Aren’t you?

      I love this post’s picture, it’s so cute! It worked well with the wedding content too.

      I now want a bunny to fill the void in my life left by men.


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