Sex and Love

30Apr10

Last weekend while searching through the channels to find something on tv to fill the time I came across the series finale for Sex and the City.   It’s one of my things — my chick things.  I like to indulge in things like satc, Gilmore Girls, and the occasional Veronica Mars.  I can’t help it, it’s genetic and inexplicably tied to my double-X chromosomal status.  So I’ve given up trying to resist.

After watching the finale I felt an urge to watch the movie, so I popped it into my PS3 and watched it while I did things around the house.   When it got to the whole Steve-Miranda situation, it just really seemed to bother me this time.

[ Spoilers below, but really has anyone on the planet not followed this storyline at this point in the universe? ]

Their relationship was on-off for a good chunk of the series, but in the end they got married and lived happily ever after.  And then he cheated on her.  She moved out and back into the city, refusing to forgive his indiscretion due to pride and hurt.

In the end, six months later she did forgive him and they got back together.   Happily ever after (again) after a brief interlude.

I’ve had this feeling of detachment from everything for the last few months; friends, family, work.  I crave a change to things, and because of that I’ve been diving into every opportunity that’s come my way.  I have tried so many new things since January that I’m not entire sure what hasn’t changed.  Along with all these new things I’ve been meeting new people, but .. I just don’t know.  It feels like so much has changed and yet nothing has.

Talking to the ex was a mistake I think, since my brain has been going back and forth about things ever since it’s happened.   I still have feelings for him — I’ll always have feelings for him — which makes me wonder if maybe he’s my Steve.  Maybe I should have forgiven him after an appropriate period of time, before he met someone else.  Maybe I should have believed he learned from his mistake.  And maybe I should have believed him when he said he was sorry and he loved me.  Maybe I should have put more value into love instead of sex.

But maybe I don’t live in a tv show.  Maybe my life isn’t scripted, and because of that I don’t have lines to follow.  And maybe because there isn’t a happy ending written for me, well, I have to make it for myself.

Maybe I should just spend less time watching lame tv shows/movies.

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