The Legacy Rule

23Apr10

In the world of regulations there is a rule known as the legacy rule – it dictates that if there a method you’ve been using in the past you can claim its acceptability under the legacy rule.  The logic is that it’s been in use without issue for a set period of time, so it has demonstrated itself to be a valid process.

A few weeks ago an odd thing happened:  I spent three hours talking to my ex over msn.  It started out as an innocent inquiry that just stretched itself out longer and longer until the point that I was heading out the door to spend some time with friends.  At no point during the conversation did it feel odd or uncomfortable, in fact it felt a little too comfortable for my liking.  It seemed like falling into old habits came entirely too easy, and the entire experience left me feelking a little off-kilter for the days to come.   The other day he messaged me again, but I cut the conversation short and headed to bed.

I’m not exactly sure how I feel about this possible change in things; the two of us trying to be friends.   I feel like on some level he broke my heart so much that I could never bring myself to trust him on any level.  And at the same time, that familiarity and the ease with which I slid into it .. I missed it.  Even after two years he still knew the little jokes and the quirks that come with me.  It made me sad … and uncomfortable.

It makes me wonder if we ever get over the people who have stung us in the past, or if the memories of them will keep popping back up whenever they creep back into your life.  Sure, I think of other exes at times, but I never fall into a situation of familiarity when I’m trapped in my memories.

In a weird twist, I’ve had this overwhelming urge to ask a guy at work to do something outside of work.  I don’t know why, but he makes me laugh.  I feel completely comfortable being myself around him and we never run out of things to talk about.  And whenever we start talking we get sucked in and end up losing track of time.  I went out on a limb tonight to see if he was going to this thing organized by a guy at work, and he said no because he’s doing something else.    Which suck a bit.  I kinda like the guy.

But here’s the thing, because when it comes to me and men there is always a thing.  He’s going through the separation/divorce process, and it just seems like everytime I talk with him and the wife gets mentioned there is nothing positive that comes out of his  mouth.  Now it’s possible she was a supreme cunt and everything he says is true, or is it a situation where he’s just bitter over something I don’t know about?   I remember an old rule that states you can tell a lot about a man by his relationship with his mother, but about his relationship with his ex?   As much as I hated my ex with a fiery passion immediately after the demise, I’ve grown past that.   While I still concede he was an ass, I can mainly reflect on the fact that he was a good guy, and that’s primarily how I speak of him these days.  I feel like based on this I should cut him some slack and not take his jaded words so literally, but I can’t help but wonder if it says something about character.  My taste in character is rather sketchy.

So I guess my question is this:  are we doomed to take our past experience and assume they’re applicable to others that we meet?  And are we doomed to keep repeating the same patterns?   I’m not saying that I’m inexplicably drawn to bad men, but it just makes me wonder if I’m drawn to a specific type of man.  Can I just assume that based on consistent results in the past that whatever I’m doing is therefore acceptable, and maybe I’ll luck out somewhere down the line?  I’m just not that sure these days.

Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong.” — Dandemis

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