2 + 2 = 4

10Apr10

I’m pretty good at ignoring the obvious, or at the very least pretending I don’t see the obvious when it’s sitting right in front of me.  And usually when it comes to boys I’m pretty competent at not seeing that they are flirting and/or interested, with very limited exceptions:

– Chaos (I reluctantly concurr with random co-worker that his actions are a crush-indicator)

– Mr. Gray (a title given by one of my co-workers to another one, one who frequently flirts with me)

– Mr. Jay (the boy I visited in November)

I feel in an odd place with Mr. Jay because we’re going to a music festival together next month.  He knows I don’t want a relationship and that’s fine, but it’s just rare for a guy to be so vividly clear about how he’s interested in me.  I guess traditionally a guy would back off he realizes the girl is not interested, but he just keeps coming like the bloody Energizer bunny.

Which I suppose should be flattering.

I guess the reason this whole situation gets to me is because of the fact that I know he’d be a good guy for me.  I know he’s the type of guy that would treat me right and understands my quirkyness and actually seems to like it.  But no matter how hard I try I just can’t seem to muster up some chemistry.  It’s an odd situation that seems to be cyclical, and I just can’t seem to figure out exactly what to do about it.  On one hand I feel like I should cut him out of my life, seeing as how I feel horrible and like I’m dragging him along in some way, even though my intentions are clear.  But on another, why deny us both friendship?  And we have a pretty good friendship.  He also strikes me as the type that I could possibly fall in love with down the road, if I could just get into a state of like, which I cannot.

Ugh.  In a pathetic way I miss the Chaos-days and their predictable pitfalls — in a way I think I had less invested in him than I do with my friend, and with that a lot more to lose.

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2 Responses to “2 + 2 = 4”

  1. 1 h

    I don’t think you can have passion with anyone you feel you mostly know.

    And you can’t feel comfortable with anyone you don’t feel you mostly know.

    So… quandary.

    • 2 keewt

      That actually makes perfect sense and has validity in many situations in my past, present, and likely future.


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