The New #000000

31Jan10

Okay now that I’ve had  a bit of time to digest everything a little better, I’ve come up with a rather hairbrained theory in regards to marriages these days.    I remember how 10 years ago the whole medieval wedding theme was popular, and how 5 years ago the idea of flying off to a tropical place to get married, family in tow, was the ‘it’ thing to do.  But what about now?  What are people doing in terms of marriage in 2010?

I think people are marrying random people in short periods of time.

Now I understand what you might be thinking — “but how?  why?  that’s madness!”, but I don’t really think it is.  In fact I can use four recent situations as first-hand proof that such a thing is occurring with more frequency in the past few years than it did in the past.  And this is not including the drunken-Vegas-random-hookup scenario that is ever-popular in movies and on tv.  These are actual people, who are for the most part sober and marrying random people.

(1) My friend E :  in the summer of 2008 she started e-dating a guy she went to highschool with in a different country.  She visited him a few months later and became engaged, getting married that coming December.  He’s now here and they have a baby.

(2) A friend B : she took three months off to visit Africa (for what reason, I never found out) and met a guy there.  She married him a month before she left and he’s currently in transition of moving here, a baby on the way for her.

(3) My friend P : she started seeing a guy in early 2009, married him in the fall of the same year.  She just moved in with him this month.

(4) Chaos : he went on a trip to Thailand, married a bartender/whore that he met a few days before.

The whole Chaos-marriage thing has spurred quite a few discussions about marriage and relationships between other people and myself.  There are a few of these people who know S, and thus have an understanding of him … to an extent.  A lot of people are saying “well it has to be a lie, he lies and it’s just … it’s crazy!”.  At this point I usually share one of the few gleams of insight I have about him, being that when he drinks he tends to agree to pretty much anything.  I don’t enlighten them on my experiences with this (aka the sex incident, the friends-with-benefits incident, and the foot-down-his-throat incident), but I assure them that I have seen and spoken to him while he’s drunk, and he’ll pretty much do or say anything that seems like a good idea at that time.  So could he have married some random thai hooker?  Sure.  Did he?  I’m not entirely sure.  I guess we’ll find out in a few days when he gets back if she returns with him.

If so … IDIOT.  But I digress.

When all of this started, one of the first people I told was E.  I figured insight into the chaos that is, well, Chaos, might finally get rid of the crazy notion in her head that someday “the timing will be right” and him and I will “finally get together”.  Well not only did it resolve that issue but it also started quite the interesting dialogue between the two of us in regards to marriage.  We were talking about a girl that we used to work with who swore she was going to get married before she turned 30; she met her to-be-husband in the fall, and married him one month before her 30th birthday.   While retelling this story, E made a confession to me:  she had a similar promise she had made to herself.  Hers didn’t involve her 30th birthday but her 31st; that she would be married and have a child before her 30th year was over.  And she also met her goal, with 4 months to spare.  When I asked her if this had any relevance to who she married she said no, but that she was lucky he came along when he did.  She told me she had a goal and she always meets her timelines.

I had a similar conversation with P a few months ago, when she confessed that her fiancee coming along was the perfect person and the perfect timing.  He asked her if she wanted to get married, and she fulfilled carpe diem in accepting.  She talked of how she’s over 30 now and she wants to start a family in the next few years, so it seemed like the perfect situation.  He was a great guy with a great job whom she really enjoyed being with, so when the opportunity arose she figured ‘why not?’.

I wish I could come up with examples of people to support this theory whom are not in their 30s, but unfortunately I do not.  Chaos is the youngest scenario I have to work with, and he turned 30 only two months ago.  I just find the whole concept of these accelerated courting periods seems to coincide all too nicely with the age of the people involved.  Is this what is happening these days?  People enter their 30s and suddenly feel this need to be in a marriage, so much so that they assign themselves a timeline by which they feel they have to meet target?  What happens if they don’t; do they feel like they’ve failed somehow?  Although I am believer of spontaneity and living in the moment, I almost wonder if this practice is perhaps a bit too much.

I know I certainly haven’t hit this stage yet, and 31 is a mere 4 months away.  Even in typing that, I don’t have any panic setting in.  No sweats, no trembles, no accelerated heart rate — everything is normal.  I will admit there has been a few moments in which I have thought to myself I might -like- being married soon, but never a moment where I felt like I -needed- to be married soon.  There is no clock ticking in my ear, or my belly.  Wherever the stupid thing is geographically located.

In discussing this theory with some of my friends I feel they’ve not been sure where to stand on drive-thru marriages being the new black.  Ironically though it has resulted in a few offers of marriage; C asked if I wanted to get married, another friend joked that we should go to Vegas to get drunk and hitched, and then another questioned “are you asking me to marry you?”.   Each of these situations has amused me somewhat, but at the same time it’s got me wondering if it’s really that easy to do.  Just think it, and execute.  I think the popularity of eloping certainly leans easily to this notion, and if you pick a partner that is in their 30s it seems your success rate with this approach is higher.  Science doesn’t lie kids, and while not everyone falls into this category it seems things might be trending in that direction.

A good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The rest is trust.” — Nanette Newman

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