I received a message from my random FB guy that I went to highschool with .. and with whom I have a very pleasant and splendid date back over the holiday season.  He sent me a message on FB the other day indicating his approval of my decision to bake cookies while wearing a skirt.  In fact, he is a firm supporter of me wearing skirts more often, and plans to encourage it in the near future.

His re-emergence has put me in an interesting situation, being the single parent dilemma.   There is this unwritten rule in the universe that dictates you don’t fuck with a single mom.  You can fuck her, but you’d better genuinely like her and not be using her for a one-night stand.  Single moms are a special breed, and one that should be appreciated and put on a pedestle.   As put in the infamous words of the movie Jerry Maguire:  “…. but a real man wouldn’t shoplift the pootie from a single mom.”

So here’s what I’m wondering:  does the rule extend both ways?  If men are supposed to respect the single mom and not take advantage of the ‘pootie’, are women supposed to be the same way with single dads?  Because random FB dude has two kids ( aged 11 and 8 ) does this mean that the rules of engagement are different?  Don’t get me wrong, by no means am I trying to drag the guy along and mislead him into thinking I want something long-term and serious.  He knows how I feel about kids (not ready) and about a relationship (again, not ready) but that I am open to the idea of dating and getting to know people better.   So at least I can claim that I haven’t been misrepresenting myself.  But I just wonder if, even if you lay it all on the table and spell it out in plain block-lettered english, is a single parent going to always be on a different page than a single person with no kids?

I know single people with kids and they just always seem to be looking for another partner.  Not someone to pass the time, or to see casually until you get to know them better.  They seem to evaluate everyone they meet and try to gauge their partner-potential within the first five minutes.   Then they sort and discard as necessary.  It seems to me that they take dating much more seriously than any of the (now limited) single friends that I have.  And I can understand this to an extent when kids are involved; my parents separated when I was 13 and while my dad lucked out and met his wife (and now partner for 17 years) on the first shot, we were subjected to my mother’s string of failed relationships that were not only mentally draining but physically demoralizing.  So I get that single parents have to be a little more careful about who they choose to let in, and who they choose to let meet their kids.   It’s hard on youngins to have people brought in and out of their lives in that way.

All of this has made me wonder if the prospect of another date with him is a good idea.  Yes I had a great time, and yes we got along great.  And no I don’t think he’s trying to ‘be’ with me; I get the impression he’s just along for the ride.  But each time I flirt with him in a message reply I feel like a dirty person, like I’m committing this huge taboo and that it’s going to blow up in my face.  I can see my mother lecturing me, saying “I told you not to go out with him, and now he’s in love with you and so are his kids, and you cannot break their hearts.  So suck it up princess and be an adult”.

Okay that’s not realistic now, but it could be later.  And yes, my mother actually would say that.

On the plus side he hasn’t asked me out again yet, but I will in the area on Valentine’s weekend.  And he strikes me as the type that would find that too prime of a situation to pass up as an excuse to ooze out the romance and seduction.  I guess time will tell .. two weeks to go.

“We are apt to forget that children watch examples better than they listen to preaching. -Roy L. Smith.”


One Response to “Extensions”

  1. 1 h

    I think you have to separate what single parents want, what their kids want, and what they want for their kids. Those are all just really different needs.

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