The Laws of Gravity

13Jan10

I guess the time has come to introduce a new character into my catastrophe of a personal life.

Let’s call him Newton, and not after the (delicious) cookie.

Newton isn’t exactly -new-, seeing as how he was introduced back in Detoxification as my unknowing victim on new year’s eve.  I don’t really recall much about what happened to be honest — I fell victim to  my typical too-much-alcohol blackouts unfortunately.  I’m not sure if he was entirely aware of this, and this portion from Covalent Bonds kind of summarizes our interaction after the, ahem, incident.

“The next day I was suspicious if I had ever even kissed him, based on the fact that at a party of 40+ people no one seemed to have seen it.  So I sent him a message asking if it had happened, to which he later replied saying yes I had kissed him, several times and it had made him laugh.  I replied indicating that it was not helpful to a woman’s ego to laugh after she kisses him, being playful.  He later replied in a public forum (!!!) indicating that he was laughing playfully, not in a mean way.  I was thrown that he was trying to discuss this in front of others and left it with a ‘ummm okay, thanks’.  Since then our conversations have been pretty dismal.”

The extent of my contact with Newton prior to NYE was pretty much playful harmless banter on IRC, but for some reason when he walked in I was immediately drawn to him before even knowing who he was.  It was like a weird magnetic pull, and once I put two and two together about who it was I went out of my way to try and avoid him that night.  The inevitable happened and we ended up sitting next to each other, and when he put two and two together, well the harmless banter spilled over into real life.  And then I kissed him, repeatedly.

After the IRC watergate we didn’t really talk much until we were face-to-face on Sunday, which wasn’t overly traumatic.  It was cool, casual, and pretty laid back.   And then Monday rolled around.  When I first arrived at the bar I clung to my familiars and noticed him at the other end, but went out of my way to avoid going to talk to him.  For some reason my mind felt like playing the game; acting like I don’t care and playing hard to get.  It might have taken about an hour, but eventually we found ourselves in the same circle of people.  We talked for a bit, he left.  Most of my friends left, but another one wandered in so I talked to him while munching on fries.  Eventually he wandered back past and got dragged back into the conversation.   My one friend had planned to take me around and introduce me to strangers, then disappeared so it was just the two of us.

I made a joke about how he’s a stranger, so we should talk and get to know eachother.  He laughed and pointed out that after NYE we’re not strangers anymore.  I laughed and agreed.   He asked me exactly how much I remember about that night, and I admitted not very much.  He asked how much and I told him I remembered kissing him.  Do I remember before or after?  Not really … well no.   Then for some reason I cannot even fathom at this stage in the game I did the most unlike-me thing ever while sober:  I moved in a little closer and told him that I am a much better kisser when sober than when drunk.  He grinned and arched his eyebrows, and made a remark indicating that it was an appealing thought.

And no, we didn’t start making out right there in a bar filled with a whole slew of our friends.

I ran into him twice more through the night:  once when looking for my friend who (again) failed to introduce me to strangers, which turned into a beautiful disaster.  For some reason he reached up and stroked my hair, an action that always puts me into a near coma.  I made a remark that he could keep doing that and started talking, at which point he did it, finding it very amusing how my speech would automatically cut off as he stroked my hair.  Then my friend started doing it from the other side and I told them both to stop it.  Vulnerability and all that jazz.

The last time was when he was leaving, and I told him he had to give me a hug.  It was a quick and easy one, and it was me calling him on his earlier claim that he isn’t adverse to hugs.  My current mentality is that if I have to hug, everyone does.

So here’s the tricky thing about this:  as I was talking to C about the whole Chaos situation and relationships, she asked if Chaos turned around and asked me tomorrow to date him would I say yes?  And while a part of me had my mouth open and ready to say ‘absolutely’, I didn’t.  I hesistated, and I thought about Newton.  Don’t misinterpret, I don’t like Newton anywhere near as much as I did Chaos; it’s just an innocent crush.  But I just feel drawn to him and that I want to do more with him.  I want to kiss him again, but I also want to do other things.  For some reason the idea of dragging him into a bathroom to have my way with him is a -very- appealing thought to me, and I’m a very private person with my sexuality.  But there’s something about him that has bumped up the infatuation quotient in the equation to a crazy level.  It’s like I have this carnal draw to him that makes me forget all common sense.

But there’s other interesting thing I noticed about being around Newton:  I am more confident.  For some reason around him I feel comfortable in my own skin.  I flirt, giggle, smile a lot more, act coy, and overall just seem more confident.  I can’t quite explain that one, but there it is.  Unlike with Chaos I don’t feel like I’m walking on eggshells or that I might make some huge taboo that would ruin everything.  I think it might be because it’s a low risk situation, but I’m not entirely sure.  All I know is that I like who I am around him.  Not cocky, but not so introverted either.  It’s a nice change.

“Why does a man take it for granted that a girl who flirts with him wants him to kiss her – when, nine times out of ten she only wants him to want to kiss her?” — Helen Rowland

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8 Responses to “The Laws of Gravity”

  1. 1 h

    You know what that is?
    Newton, the guy you can’t see yourself with, is a 10-year guy.
    Chaos, the guy you can see yourself with, is a 1-year guy.

    Irony.

    (Length of time referring to the time with them it would take you to become neurotic and unhappy)

  2. 4 keewt

    so mean!

    Back to your comment though, in seriousness — how can you judge that Newton is a 10-year guy? It’s entirely possible he is of the same cut as Chaos, and thus is equally a 1-year guy.

    Unless you’re basing this on the assumption that I have poor taste in men and always pick the wrong one, in which case you might be on to something.

    I don’t really know much about Newton tbh, other than he’s okay with me hugging with him, has this weird facination with Superman sperm, and what his mouth tastes like after drinking way too much liquor. But the lack of knowing anything about him is probably why I can’t picture a long-term future. This in itself is not a bad thing though I think.

    • 5 h

      “For some reason around him I feel comfortable in my own skin. I flirt, giggle, smile a lot more, act coy, and overall just seem more confident. I can’t quite explain that one, but there it is.”

      Attraction starts a relationship. Comfort tends it.

      Of course, the other option is that you’re comfortable / anxious because this isn’t serious, but I don’t know you well enough to make a call on that.

      • 6 keewt

        I’m pretty sure it’s the latter — Newton is kind of a low-risk situation, being that if things don’t pan out or I do something stupid at least we just have to function like adults in social gatherings, which is tolerable (as I’m good at ignoring people). It’s not like the Chaos situation where if I push too hard or stick my foot in my mouth then (a) work is awkward, and (b) I lose a friend.

        In this regard I guess Newton would be something new for me, since a lot of my romances came from the evolution of friendship/hanging out.

    • 8 keewt

      Haha, this amuses me greatly … for a few reasons.

      First is that I actually asked Darwin what he thought of this game back on Sunday night while at his place. He was unfamiliar with it so we loaded up the trailer and we both watched it with a resounding ‘meh’. My first comment was “this feels like Devil May Cry to me”, to which he agreed. My second comment was “wait, does that character have BOOBS?”, to which he squinted and said “yeah, I think that’s a chick”. We were both boggled.

      Then PA made the comic about it and it forced me to put a little more thought into how I felt about it. So she’s a chick, so what? As Darwin pointed out it’s no different than Lara Croft in the Tomb Raider franchise. If guys are comfortable with playing the role of a sexy scantily-clad female character then so be it. And even if they are all ‘mmm boobs’ at the start of it, I’m pretty sure as they progress through the game they’ll be focusing more on the levels than on the perfectly digitized ass.

      Empowered or being used as a sextool? Bah. Who cares really? She’s smoking hot AND she wears glasses. If anything it’s going to up the creds of cute gamer geeks all over the world in the eyes of men. And like that article indicated, it’s overly done so that it doesn’t appear realistic. Most boys aren’t stupid; they know that 90% of photos in magazines are airbrushed these days. They might ‘ooh’ and ‘ahhh’ about the overwhelming hotness, but they know it’s not real.

      As for the game itself? From what I’ve seen it’s left me unwhelmed. I wouldn’t buy it just because it’s a girl character because I don’t think I’d really play it. For all the ‘oohh Bayonetta is so awesome!’ that I’ve been reading up until it’s release I am a little disappointed. It’s definitely not a game of the year, and it’s not because of the chick-factor. It’s just the look of the game itself; been there done that like 25 times already. I noticed on PA they were saying they haven’t gotten a lot of entries and I wonder if that’s what it has to do with — the fact that the game just really isn’t all that awesome. Some people might be discouraged by the girl-factor from buying it, but I think it’s the overall feel that will be the thorn in its side.


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