Covalent Bonds

11Jan10

So an interesting thing happened on the way to the market ….

… actually no, let’s backtrack even further than Saturday  morning.

As I mentioned in a previous post one of my fellow work lackeys seemed to be avoiding me.  As the week progressed it became less a -seem- and more of a -definite-.  By Friday I was just getting annoyed with the whole ordeal and forced him into a conversation by asking what he had planned for the weekend.  He gave me a quick answer before sneaking off under the illusion of work.  I cursed a few times and wandered back to do some of my own.  But what the lackey failed to anticipate was that his department would have problems that night, and that I’d actually stay to help out.  An ironic twist, and once I mentioned I’d stay in case they had any problems suddenly he did a 180 and was chatting my ear off.  In return, he stayed until we were sure everything worked out good for my employees as well.  We reached a working compromise, and with that the awkwardness seems to have disappeared.  I quipped at one point about it not being my ideal way to spend my Friday  night and he apologized, sincerely.  I felt bad and told him I was just joking and no need to apologize; he hadn’t planned it.   He simply nodded and we both went back to work, but no damage seemed done.  It was just .. surprising.

Saturday morning I woke up early after my late-night at work to go shopping with some girlfriends.  While out they managed to talk me into attending this event at a club in the city.  Despite my protests of being ill-equipped (having really only a pair of boots to form an outfit) after a few hours in the vintage division of the city we found enough to half-ass an outfit for me (with one friend lending me a top).  And so my Saturday night was spent in a very cheap and poorly lit club surrounded by veritable strangers that, while nice, were still strangers.  One guy that I know from before (the Ninja Assassin guy from a Chaos post from the past) was also at the event and I found him rather, hrmmm, “touchy feely”.  He also was complimenting me, a lot.  I’m not the type of person that takes compliments very well.  In fact I don’t take them at all; I tend to flush like an 8 year old caught with porn by his mother.  So having this guy standing there with his arm around me, hand on my waist drawing me close to him while complimenting me in front of others … it was hell.  Also factor into the equation that I’m not a huge person when it comes to human contact and he was touching me for about five straight minutes, it was an odd situation for me.   After awhile he thought I didn’t like him much, and I explained I’m just not a huge touching person and not to take it personally.  He gave me another extended hug, but at least he didn’t tell me I was beautiful again.

Nor did he ramble and ramble about how amazing my breasts looked … again.

Sunday found me spending some time with C prior to going for dinner at my friend’s place (the same from the night before, and who also let me crash at her place to avoid driving repeatedly to the city).   We had a few discussions, then ended up going for a walk to pick up an herb for said friend.  While walking I explained to C my belief that I’m going to have to change two things about my life if I ever plan to have a boyfriend again, being (a) I’ll need to find a job on a dayshift, and (b) I’m going to have to move to the city.  She listened but also suggested that I not jump the gun on any of this, as neither of those will guarantee me finding a boyfriend.  While I’m not looking for one right now anyway, I do agree and what she says makes sense.  My general plan for the past few years has been to stay in my current job until I’m done paying off most of my debt (student loans, car) and then I’ll transition into a different job with the risk that I may not like it.  At this stage I need security, and with that comes a fixed income to be received on a biweekly basis.  So it’s not anything that will happen soon, but the realization is that it’s something that is going to have to happen eventually.

The dinner party was the largest I have attended at this house, with a total of 13 people.  Imagine my surprise when I found out that the boy from new years eve was attending that night.  I was swinging in a chair as my friend listed off the guest list and when he said that name I literally stopped moving.  I made up an excuse for him to reread the list, and my mind literally went ‘shit!’.   I had just spent the drive the night before explaining to his wife what happened with my -OH incident … which I don’t think I ever blogged about …

The next day I was suspicious if I had ever even kissed him, based on the fact that at a party of 40+ people no one seemed to have seen it.  So I sent him a message asking if it had happened, to which he later replied saying yes I had kissed him, several times and it had made him laugh.  I replied indicating that it was not helpful to a woman’s ego to laugh after she kisses him, being playful.  He later replied in a public forum (!!!) indicating that he was laughing playfully, not in a mean way.  I was thrown that he was trying to discuss this in front of others and left it with a ‘ummm okay, thanks’.  Since then our conversations have been pretty dismal.

…. so I told my friend’s wife about it, but he isn’t aware of what happened.  Finding out that he was coming I begged and pleaded with them to -please- not say anything about the two of us having made out to the other people there.  They made no promises, but did behave themselves.  I wore a low-cut top (“all the better to tease him with” I was told) and him and I didn’t talk until about half way through dinner, where he ended up sitting across from me (by some twisted mocking by the universe).  He started talking about one of the dishes, and I was surprised to look up and find that he was talking to me.   We had a few other little discussions while at dinner, but for the most part it was two groups discussing things; I stuck to the group on the left, and he to the group on the right.  After dinner I was sitting in a chair and he ended up sitting down on the couch next to it.  We didn’t really talk much, but at some point we did a bit of back and forth.   He was playing with his iphone, so I asked him to list off some of the apps he has (which I actually do find a curious thing for people with iphones).   That got the conversation ball rolling a bit better.  As C and I were getting ready to leave it came up that I might be in the city for a gathering the next night.  The -OH catalyst seemed surprised by this, and I still don’t know why.  I hugged a slew of my friends, but only waved goodbye to him.

Just because we’ve swapped saliva doesn’t mean I feel comfortable hugging him yet.

I’ve been curious how it would be when we saw eachother again, I just didn’t figure it would be so soon.  And it was surprisingly non-awkward, and I kind of find myself feeling like a giggly teenager around him.  It’s funny because I’m pretty sure I have a crush, but a pretty simple crush.  It makes me have the urge to flirt with him.  I’ve been resisting the urge to send him a message to inform him that I am a much better kisser when sober than when drunk.  But I’m really not sure if that’s a path I want to go down.  While my friends might think he’d be a good ice breaker for me, I think that he might be a good guy to have some fun with.  Not that he’s not boyfriend material, but like I said I just don’t think that’s something I want.   We’ll see.

I’ll put some feelers out, maybe talk to him tomorrow a bit.  Flirt a bit.  Have some fun or something, but not be cryptic or play weird mindgames.  That’s just not how I roll, yo.

Oh, and I have a message from Sin that’s been in my inbox for about two days now.   I’ve realized I have completely filed him away under the ‘friends’ category in my mind.  Which might be a good thing considering his mood these days.  Poor boy.

“Women do not know all their powers of flirtation.”  — Francois de la Rochefoucauld

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