The We-Should-Just-Be-Friends Theorem

21Dec09

Yesterday was possibly the busiest day I have had in a long time.  I woke up earl(ier) to go down into the city (aka Mordor) and spend the day with a few girlfriends, doing some holiday shopping and grabbing dinner with another friend of ours.  Turns out we got minimal shopping done for others but got a good deal done for ourselves.  Best laid plans and all that jazz.

After dropping off my last girlfriend I headed over to a friend of mine’s place to spend some time with him.  Since he’s moved in with his girlfriend our ability to mesh our schedules has been pretty .. dismal.  His girlfriend/fiancee keeps him quite occupied most of the time, and being an off-shift worker it means we can’t really hang out as much as we may like.    Last night worked out well for us, so we decided to take advantage of it.

We ended up going to a pub for some wings (for him) and beer (for both).  As we were eating/drinking we ended up talking a bit.   We’ll call my buddy Darwin, for his theories about many things related to human survival (physical and psychological).   When I first met Darwin it was because he misdirected a digital love letter into my inbox back when I was still a wee student in the sciences.  From that we ended up having a two-way dialogue that has lasted over the years; 10 years in fact now.   A lot of people find it odd that Darwin and I never actually dated, and I can easily explain this by one fact:  the timing was never right for us.  He would like me, but I was with someone.  I would like him, but he was in an unavailable state.  The universe just never aligned things in order for us to hook up.  This isn’t to say that I’m sad about this, because we’re better for it.  We’re friends, and I don’t have to worry about anything else beyond that.

Darwin was in obsessive love with a woman we shall call Val.  The thing with Val was not that she didn’t care for Darwin, but she just never seemed able to settle down with him.  He’d start dating others, and then suddenly she’d be in love with him again.  They’d date for awhile, and then she’d end things with him.  This cycle happened repeatedly, and at one point I finally snapped with Darwin and told him we weren’t talking about Val again, ever.  It strained our relationship and we didn’t talk for months after that, but in the end we worked things out.

He finally broke the cycle with Val about two or three years ago, and then he met Violet.   Whom I absolutely adore as she is the sweetest thing ever, and the two of them compliment each other perfectly.  He’s still friends with Val, and Val is actually friends with Violet.  It’s an interesting artichoke cycle.

Well last night we were talking about relationships and such, and Darwin made a few statements of interest.  The first related to him and Val, in which he stated that the biggest problem with the two of them was that they should have just stayed friends.  Period.  Once they tried to make things between them romantic is when everything went wrong.   Their dynamic, though it might have dipped its toes in that direction occasionally, was truly not designed for trying to date.  While listening to him explain this I could kind of see how his theory about him and Val might actually be the same for Chaos and I.  Though there seems to be mutual attraction, maybe we’re one of those couples that would be better off just being friends.  The timing never pans out, and we both seem to lack this overwhelming desire to make things work.  I didn’t vocalize my theory to Darwin about this, but it seemed like a good conclusion for me.

A short while later he was talking about Violet and how he knew he wanted to marry her shortly after they started dating.  He didn’t mean he wanted to marry her -then-, but that she was the girl he would marry later.   I contemplated this while he rambled about why they were so complimentary to one another, and I have to say I agree with him.  They are opposite enough to have separate interests, but share enough common interests so that there is a good balance.  True, she doesn’t understand his love of gaming, but honestly I think few women do so we’ll forgive that one.

I remember when dating D that I thought he would be the one I would marry; in fact I knew he would be the guy I would end up marrying.  And our dynamic was very similar, yet we still had separate interests so that we didn’t become the same person.  We had a good complimentation and for that the relationship worked in 95% of ways.   But here’s the thing with Chaos:  we already share so many interests, and don’t have very many things that the other isn’t interested in.  So that seems to me strike two in regards to Darwin’s theories.

Oh, and he was  a dick.  Strike three.

While we finished our beers I told Darwin about how I feel stalled and like I need to jumpstart things.  He asked me if I met anyone at his engagement party that I found interesting.  I told him two of his friends were fun, and that I got along pretty well with the one.  As he was paying the bill he said that said friend is a nice guy, and we’d get along pretty well …. I sense a fix-up coming.

The very essence of instinct is that it’s followed independently of reason.” — Charles Darwin

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