Prime Numbers


Last night while in bed I was left pondering about various things.  One tangent that my mind wandered down ended up in an unexpected area:  I found myself thinking about a guy I haven’t really given any thought to in about 6 years.  For simplicity’s sake we’ll call him Alpha.

One of the pathetic things I’ve always found about IRC servers is the amount of recycling that goes on with partners; I dare anyone to spend 6 months on there and not ‘hook up’ with someone that didn’t ‘hook up’ with someone else that they happen to meet during that time.  I’m serious: select two random people and it’s likely that you can pull a Kevin Bacon and find them in six degrees or less.

My meeting Alpha wasn’t quite so complicated, being that he had been having some weird drama-filled relationship with a girl in a channel I frequented.  The girl didn’t like me much to begin with, but things between her and Alpha had disintegrated pretty thoughly and he went back to his ex-girlfriend.  And somehow him and I ended up talking, often.  And over time the guy started to like me, which I found annoying at first but actually began to enjoy.

I broke my own rule of not becoming emotionally involved with a guy that had a partner.  Yes I am a horrible person, yes I have no soul.  And trust me, I’ve paid my karmic balance for it three times over.

But here’s the funny thing about Alpha and I — we both knew we had an expiry date, being the day he got married.  And while I tried to discourage him from marrying the girl (because they were so different in many ways), the part that angered him about the situation is that I wasn’t doing it for -me-, but for -him-.  I made it very clear that I would never get together with him permanently if he left her.  Why would I?  He clearly had fidelity issues if he was in love with me while engaged to someone else; he’d be just as likely to do the same thing to me.  I don’t understand why women think that men will change for them, that they are the ‘exception’, they will make him right.  One thing I have realized is men never change their stripes, ever.

The point of this whole ordeal that always stuck in my mind was this:  when I would ask him how he’d be happy with her forever if he wasn’t getting all his needs met, he’d always say “I would rather be with someone who I can see myself still wanting to talk to 20 years from now than with someone that I can have amazing sex with now, but will hate later”.    Which I suppose is a sentiment to which I can relate, but it’s not one I’ve frequently encountered since him.

From my experience, both with dating and just guy friends, men seem more obsessed with the idea of physical beauty in a partner and great sex than with their long-term compatibility.  I read an article the other day that actually discussed the differences between men and women, being that men are short-term in terms of romance where women are more long-term.  But Alpha seemed to be the opposite, and I have yet to encounter another specimen like him.  Men in general would rather have random sexual encounters filled with excitement than stability and longevity.  Which is fine, because I know girls who are like that also.  Hell, I’m like that to an extent unless I really like the guy, at which point I’ll entertain the idea of a relationship.

It made me wonder for a moment if I dropped the ball with Alpha.  But then I realized that’d be a foolish thought to entertain.  Silly me!

Sidenote:  is it bad that I’m still kind of amused of the fact that there is a blog completely and utterly devoted to a man’s infatuation with me?  Yeah, that sounds kind of egotistical.  Besides, isn’t 75% of this blog’s content Chaos-related?  Ick.

A theory must be tempered with reality.” — Nehru


7 Responses to “Prime Numbers”

  1. 1 h

    Wow. I missed many entries. Excitement!

    (Oldest to newest comments)
    – Every woman needs a man. Men are wonderful. How could you live without us?

    – Chaos is a dick. Even f-buddies deserve 30-days notice, and love-friends get 90-days. Pretty sure that’s written somewhere.

    – I alwayz(?) thought Alpha was a dick too, after a comment he made to me.

    (This entry)
    I think you need sex and meshed personality (this coming from the anti-guy in that respect). Dropping the sex as unimportant is just going to lead to different problems in the relationship. So imho it’s a minimum sum-of-both as a qualification for long-term relationship material.

    • 2 keewt

      Ugh we weren’t ‘love-friends’ … stop using that word! 😛

      I guess I am a dick magnet, and I mean that in a non-sexual way (of course).

      Like everything in life, relationships are a balance between physical, emotional, and psychological. The idea that you can completely disregard one of the three categories and expect success is silly.

      • 3 h

        I meant ‘love’ in the giggity-sense, not the snuggity-sense!

        Well, you do pick up guys from Encyclopedia Dramatica… not sure what you’re expecting. :p

      • 4 keewt

        For the record he picked -me- up, not vice versa. And I didn’t know about ED until after I agreed to the date. And I did cancel if you remember correctly 😛 I’ll concede that I am a douchebag/dick/jerk/ass magnet. I need a better filtering system!

      • 5 h

        Date check: 4+


      • 6 keewt

        I don’t get it O_o

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