Hydrophobic Interactions


I’ve had a lot of time to mull over things over the past week.  One thing I have gained from this whole experience however is a new theory on male-female interactions that I think puts many things in perspective for me.  Consider it a follow-up to Inter-Gender Relations from a month ago.

The previous post examined the notion that for a male-female friendship to exist it means that one of the two parties likes, or has at least minimal interest, in the other party.  The fact that this theory is actually universal and not limited to my friend’s crazy theory actually did disturb me a bit, and I guess I can see some truth to it.  Yes, there are exceptions to the rule, but for the most part it’s the socially accepted norm for these interactions to happen.

Well now I’d like to expand on it, being that I think as much as men love the idea of being with a girl that shares their interests and is like a guy in a girl’s body, I don’t think it’s what they really want.  I mean yes, I completely understand why a guy might be interested in a girl who is into gaming, or computers, or science, or books, or sports, or etc.  And while I do believe that the foundation of a good relationship is shared interests, you don’t want to be with someone who is a clone of your personality.  Even if you’re with someone for 30 years there needs to be a certain degree of mystery involved, and if everything about your partner is laid out on the table things can become rather stale.

So here’s  my theory, being that guys think they want a girl who shares all their interests, but really they want an ordinary girl.  They want a girl who isn’t into their interests, who likes to do different things, who doesn’t share the same pool of friends, with whom they won’t have to share access to their gaming consoles, and essentially girls who walk, talk, and act like the fairer gender.  Girls who are romantic, girls who like cheesy movies and to cry during them, and girls who are emotional.

It seems to be another example of sociological expectations overruling the actual desires of the person.  While it’s entirely possible that a man might want a girl who likes gaming, who likes sci-fi and action movies, who likes geeky books, or shares other similar interests with them.  But I think that when it comes down to making a decision for a partner, nine out of ten times the man will choose the girl who is more stereotypically female than male.

This poses a problem for girls like me, being that my interests, standards and views are more masculine than feminine.  Essentially my brain would be classified as being more male, but my external appearance is more female.  I like accessories, having smooth straight hair, wearing make-up, having pretty clothes.  While I’ll primarily run around in skate sneakers, for the most part my appearance has undergone a major overhaul in the last five years.  This does not however make me the perfect arm-candy; I have more curves than the social norm indicates that I should, and while a good deal of men are okay with this it can be a repelling factor for others.

So how does this boil down to my current life?  Well taking into account S, I believe he genuinely believed that I would be a great partner because of my geek-creds, however he would never settle down with a girl like me because he has these sociological ideals of what his partner should look like.  Cute, pretty, petite, bubbly and bouncy, and emotional.  Part of the whole appeal to S was that I always felt I could be myself around him and that he accepted me for it.  But eventually gaining insight into what it is that he really wants gave me a necessary jolt into reality.  I remember having a conversation with him in which he indicated that he’d only date women who have intelligence, being that personality is his major turn-on.  But then knowing the girls that he’s dated in the past, I don’t see how that can be.  His last girlfriend was one of the types of girls that is very into appearances, clothes, boys, etc ..  I actually heard her squeel ‘oh.my.GOD’ on numerous occasions in a voice that made my skin crawl.  She was skinny, she was pretty, but she annoyed pretty much anyone who talked to her.  She was essentially the complete opposite of everything that I am, and he dated her.  He didn’t date me.  And that’s fine, I just wish men would stop proclaiming that girls like me are ideal, but date ones that are nothing like me at all.

S is just an example of this, but I have many guy friends that are in the same boat.  And in most of their cases I sit there and listen to them whine about how their girlfriends “don’t understand” them and their interests.   The saddest part of this situation to me is that it could be avoided if boys would figure out what it is that they want vs. what it is that they think they want.  If you want someone that is similar to you then that’s fine, but accept that they’re possibly not going to look like they belong in an issue of Sports Illustrated.  And if you want someone who looks like a model then that’s fine, but accept that they are possibly going to not understand your interests and will give you a hard time about it.

So in my opinion, men don’t want the easy mix.  Water with water is boring, but if you try to mix oil and water it never becomes homogenous.  You can mix and  mix and mix, and it’ll never work easily.  But they’ll have fun in trying, and they’ll keep trying until the very end.  It’s more exciting than something that blends easily.

Opposites are not contradictory but complementary.” — Niels Bohr


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