Conflicting Variables


Today has been a morning of very .. confusing events, and with a certain degree of weirdness.   Last night I went to bed, tossing and turning over things with Chaos.  While my consciousness  is slowly weeding him out, my subconscious keeps dragging him back into my mind and making it harder.  I don’t know -why- I like him, -why- I want him, -why- I can’t get him out of my mind.   All I know is that I’ve reached the point where I know I need to have ‘the talk’, and it shall be had one way or another.

So I woke up and sent him a message on Faboo asking if I could pop by after work to get some tv shows off of him.  Which I actually do need to do between (a) visiting the parentals this weekend, and (b) visiting a friend next weekend.  I  need entertainment!  And for this I really  need to get some downloads off of him.  So I figured the situation would be win-win, being that I could get the episodes off of him and try and have ‘the talk’ at once.  Unfortunately he’s busy, so that’s not going to happen this week.  He did offer for me to stop by during the week before work, so maybe I’ll go that route.  Unlikely to have ‘the talk’ then though, just snatch the files and run.  Zoom!

Ironically when I opened up my email there was a message from my buddy, and one from Chaos.  So I went onto Faboo to answer S’ message and I forgot that I was logged into chat.  A guy that I went to highschool with started messaging me — we haven’t talked since the summer when we tried to meet up for a date, but nothing ever panned out.  Which was kind of good, because I really didn’t want to go on the date with him, but was willing to do so in order to prove to him that we are incompatible.

After some dialogue he ends up asking me out … again.  It made me laugh .. loudly.   I ended up being non-committal about the whole process since he kept pestering me to go out again.  In fact he said it’d be nice if we could hook up a few times over the holidays.  I told him we’d see what happens.  And at the same time as trying to ease out of a date with this guy I was replying to S’ message, and buying a plane ticket to visit another guy.  The whole situation was just very weird and complicated.

But yay for vacations to visit boys who are non-complicated!  My friend is freshingly honest about his intentions, something I have never EVER experienced with Chaos.  So yeah, fun!  I haven’t committed to anything there, but I plan to just let things go and play it by ear.  The whole idea of curling up on a couch with an Evangelion marathon with a guy does sound kind of nice to me though. 🙂

Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.” – Peter F. Drucker


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