Phase Inversion


shoeI find it refreshing that I’ve actually managed to stick to my decision.  I figured I’d probably change my mind after a day or two, but I actually seem to be standing by what I think to be the best logical course of action.

Yesterday was a particularly stressful day at work where everything  just seemed to go completely wrong.  Naturally this meant I’d have a problem with S’ department, and because of this there was a delay in his usual start-up.  It was on time, but barely.  I’m the type of person that when I stress out my face turns red, and the more stressed/flustered I feel the redder it gets.  Yesterday my face was almost purple as everything started blowing up around me.  I’m not the type of person to cry easily, heck I don’t think I have since a particularly nasty argument with M back in April.  But I could have very easily yesterday night.  S walked in and I told him things weren’t ready and I’d let him know when they were.  He stood around for a moment, and then left.  He came back a short while later, and I said it still wasn’t ready.   He said fine and kept to himself.  He seemed respectful of the situation and the pressure I was under, giving me my space.

I woke up today and was checking FB and noticed that he had a status that showed him being torn between two purchases.  A few people commented, and I left my own.  While being joking, it could be perceived as  a little bit of snarky zing, but I figured it’d be taken as a joke since that was my intent.   I don’t think he interpreted it that way though judging on his behaviour tonight.

But really, hot/cold, how can I ever tell?

On the plus side, shuffling him off to the ‘friends’ category in my mind has actually done significant things for my ability to converse with my friends and family.  I actually seem to be talking about things that are not S-based, seem more happy and laughing more (when not stressed up to my eyeballs, of course).  I just feel less strung-out about my personal life and more balanced, more relaxed about things outside of work.  I’m kind of excited about the idea of this new transition and things being less complicated.

I like it.


Problems arise in that one has to find a balance between what people need from you and what you need for yourself.” — Jessye Norman


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