Long Division

05Nov09

ropeToday at work I experienced my first S-related complication.   We both do very well at separating our work from our personal life, so the fact that I was the one that slipped up is rather, ummm, surprising for me.

While S and I do not work in the same department our paths do cross on a daily basis due to our slight shift overlap.  So long as I have everything organized before he comes in we generally have a 30 second conversation and go on our ways.  On a bad day, we might have to make small talk for about five minutes, then go our ways.

Today there was an issue with his department and there was no one around to deal with it, so his employee called me.  Since it was more technical than software-based I called one of my employees, who directed us on following a particular path.  I thought following a different option was a better idea, but I refused to actually make the judgment call because it’s not my department.  His employee ended up calling him at home, and apparently he cussed her out pretty good for not calling sooner (ugh).  I had two options:  do what my employee suggested, or do what S (and what I also thought) was the better idea.  Normally I’d go with my idea without a doubt, but we had time restrictions that made that a challenge.  Screw him over, or screw my employees over.

I screwed over my employees.

On one hand I know it was actually the right choice, but them being bitchy and snubbing me made it feel like the wrong one.   Honestly they weren’t completely screwed; only a 20 minute delay in their workload, and it saved a slew of paperwork and other technical issues.  Which is what I kept telling myself, over and over again.   But a small part of me keeps wondering if I did it because it was his department.  I wondered if I had screwed him over if he’d have taken it as some kind of petty revenge for his flaking out on Saturday.  Is that why I did what I did?

I’m completely certain I’d have done the same thing for any other department, but I just have that little nagging seed in the back of my mind.  Meh.

I did my work super quick and then ducked out my area, hiding in a conference room and studying as to avoid S.  If I had seen him tonight then he would have brought it up, and it would have gone one of three ways.  First being that he asks a billion details about what happened, and then he thanks me.  Two being that he freaks out on me for not taking initiative and having him woken up.  Three that he says absolutely nothing at all.  I could easily have dealt with the first or second, but the third?  For some reason that’d have bothered me.

Bah.  Emotions.  I need to reorganize my mental boundaries.

The mice which helplessly find themselves between the cats’ teeth acquire no merit from their enforced sacrifice.” – Mahatma Gandhi

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