The Vicious Cycle


artichokeLike all great studies, at some point you have to go back and look at all the data you’ve accumulated to see where your hypothesis may have gone wrong.  I suppose 15 years ago my hypothesis of meeting a nice young man, marrying, and procreating seemed a pretty rational one.  But it seems not quite so easily obtained, or at least from my point of view, not so easily obtained if you wish to have standards.

I could ramble on for hours about my perception that as people age the traits that were once required in their partner suddenly seem to be less important.  The non-negotiable suddenly becomes merely a bonus and things that normally would have been deal-breakers just become quirks.  But, this is not the post for such ramblings.

Instead of following the route more often travelled I seem to have somehow maintained my finicky nature and have not settled down with a mate.  I think part of the reason for this is my low tolerance for stupidity, along with the fact that I tend to bore very easily.  I know it sounds shallow and mean to say that I get bored of my partners, but there is an ounce of truth to it.  I think the only thing that never gets stale in a relationship for me is the sex.  Sex is very easy to keep fresh, or at least introduce new variables into it in order to keep it ‘fresh’.  I’m pretty open-minded, so that likely helps.

The other day I came to the realization that I’ve slept with more men then I have had relationships.   It wasn’t so much of an issue of the potential for a relationship not being there, since in all the cases it was my choice for it to not progress to that level.  I think there are three types of people you will encounter in your life when it comes to sex:  (1) those you can have a relationship with, (2) those that are good for sex only, and (3) ew, not a chance I would sleep with them.  A vast majority of the population fits into (3) for me, but I was actually surprised that I have slept with so many people outside of relationships.

There is not much point in delaying the inevitable, so I  might as well just compile the list in the blog.  Note:  this is actual sex, involving vaginal penetration.  I actually don’t do oral sex outside of a relationship.  A lot of men have found this odd, but my logic is this:  when you are having sex with someone new you use protection as to not contract an STD.  When you are giving head to a guy you don’t use a condom.  You can, but honestly it tastes gross and guys don’t usually enjoy it.  So if the whole point (for me, at least) in using a condom is to avoid getting an STD, why would I give head without protection?  I can still catch HIV, herpes or hepatitis from oral sex, and same for gonorrhea, chlamydia or syphillis.  It seems foolish in my mind.  If I’m having vaginal sex, unless the condom breaks I know I am not going to get an STD.  So I don’t go down on a guy unless I’m in a relationship.  Period.

Of course this means I haven’t given head in one year and eight months … wow, that makes me sad.  I actually do like oral sex quite a bit.  Anyway, onto the list.

The Dated:

(1) The dirty sleazebag that my father hated, and actually chased around our house .. twice. (D1)

(2) My highschool sweetheart, who wanted to marry me and father my children .. ick.  I ruined his life apparently. (R1)

(3) The second coming of the sleazebag, who actually used my computer to hook up his next chick and had the nerve to get mad at me for catching him. (J1)

(4) The absolute sweetheart who was possibly the love of my life, but lacked any ambition and ate all my cheese. (M1)

(5) The man who was talking about marrying me after dating for three months, and was really boring in bed. (R2)

(6) The guy with whom I actually had a pretty well balanced relationship, wanted to marry me but never bothered to propose, and was a cheating bastard. (D2)

So six relationships worth recognition.  I didn’t think my grade school relationship counted much since I was .. umm, six years old.  This number rather bothers me since six seems like a small number, and yet also a large number considering the fact I have only been actively dating for about 15 years.  That means each relationship theoretically would last about 2.2 years.  Now onto exploration of my whoredom.  I’ll include the applicable boyfriends into the list in order to be accurate.

The Bedded:

(1) The boyfriend that I destroyed. (R1)

(2) The douche internet whore. (J1)

(3) One of the sweetest guys ever. (M1)

(4) The boring guy. (R2)

(5) The friend with benefits. (S)

(6) The condom idiot. (B)

(7) The most frustrating foreskin on the planet. (J2)

(8) The manwhore. (M2)

(9) The perfect cheater. (D2)

(10) The american idiot. (M3)

(11) The co-worker. (otherwise known as chaos)

So I guess based on this data I have actually slept with as more men outside of relationships than I have within them.  It also seems to mean that I’ve given head to less men than I’ve had intercourse with.  Which I find ironic since for most of my girlfriends it’s the opposite.  It seems that most women view oral as not counting as sex, and are less likely to have sex with men than give head.  I think guys are pretty indifferent, enjoying getting head or getting laid in the traditional sense.  I guess this is the one way I differ from men when it comes to my sexuality .. well unless I’m in a relationship, in which case I’m pretty happy with pretty much any type of sex as long as it involves a penis.

The one thing I’m realizing while assembling this list is that I have made some pretty poor choices in people that I have both dated and slept with.  I really wish there were more than a select few that were nice guys, with the assholes taking on a very dominant role in this list.   And I guess this is my cyclical process, being that I always end up being attracted to the wrong type of guy for me.  The jerk, the liar, the cheater, the manipulator … the one that inevitably becomes a regret.  It makes me think there must be some characteristic that draws them to me, or me to them.  I’ll have to put some further thought into this to figure out exactly what it is, and squash that bugger down.  However until I do I’m sure this will provide some fodder and further insight for this blog as history will just keep repeating itself.

Throughout history females have picked providers. males have picked anything.” – Margaret Mead


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