The G Force

12Sep09

any keyA few of my friends are vaguely familiar with the details of my life, and even fewer with the details of my romantic life.  Writing this blog … well it’s pretty much anonymous so I can be honest about details surrounding it.  But a few friends already know these details, so it’s rather moot.

One of my friends who we shall refer to as C (which is the mathematical constant for the speed of light, and she is a constant source of enlightenment for me) has this theory that I shall dub the G Force, due to its relativity to geeks and their social awkwardness.  It’s not a huge mystery that people who are ‘geeks’ are generally more introverted and have a harder time fitting into groups and complying to social expectations.  First we should probably establish what exactly is a geek.  The definition of a geek varies from person to person.  For instance, when asking C this earlier her reply was the following: “ones that use computers, alot. for more than just writing their assignments.  girls that are into more academic subjects (chemistry, biology, computers, etc). they also want to learn about their brainy subject outside of work, do research like that i guess someone with most of those qualities? its a really difficult question”.  In fact it -is- a very difficult question to answer.  Thus, let us go towards the mecca of geekdom, wikipedia, which states a geek is:

“The word geek is  a slang term, noting individuals as “a peculiar or otherwise odd person, especially one who is perceived to be overly obsessed with one or more things including those of intellectuality, electronics, etc.”

It does go on into greater detail with more specific descriptions, but for the most part it summarizes the impression that people have of geeks.  We’re peculiar or odd, and typically obsessed with things that not followed by most of the general public.  The one grey area that seems to apply to geekdom these days consists of gaming.  C and I have debated about whether you can be a geek by being a gamer.  I believe that gamers, and by this I mean the hardcore ones who spend hours upon hours playing games like Warcraft, or have worn through two or three PS3 or Xbox systems due to their excessive use, and can claim to have played and beaten most games on the market .. I think these can qualify as geeks.  The people who live,  breathe, and sometimes eat the game industry.  However gaming has suddenly become popular, and with that you have people who normally would not have picked up a controller a few years ago suddenly becoming gamephiles.  As C used as an example, little old ladies on the subway playing Brain Age now technically qualify as gamers.  So while I will concede that they may be gamers, I won’t agree that they are gamer geeks.  These are still a rare (and somewhat cute imho) breed of person.

So what does all this have to do with romance or dating?  Quite simple, geeks are of a different breed than most of society.  Usually in school we are the ones who are into the maths or sciences, or computers or comics, or books or obscure movies and music.  There is always something that sets us apart from the masses and makes us a ‘geek’.  And that type of social recognition tends to do something to your mind and puts you in this box that you cannot seem to escape for the rest of your life.  It doesn’t matter if you’re pretty or ugly, skinny or fat, smart or stupid, if you’re a geek you’re one for life.  It’s like your scarlet letter, the letter G.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m quite happy to be a geek.  In fact I will boast about being one quite openly.  I like that it makes me a quirky person, and I totally play it up on occasion with funky glasses, pigtails, and making random references to movies, games or books that I know only fellow geeks will understand.  To me it’s not so much of a social exclusion as it is being a member of a private club.  Being a geek is part of who I am, and in a way it’s amusing that being a geek has almost become somewhat trendy in the past few years.  Or maybe more are just emerging, and mainstream tv shows like ‘Freaks and Geeks’ and ‘Big Bang Theory’ are making it seem almost fun to be interested in games and physics.

Now back to C’s theory about geeks when it comes to dating:  being quite simply that we suck at it.  We are shy and introverted personalities by nature, and often afraid of rejection.  Because of this we are never the person to make the first move, and because of this very often nothing ends up happening.  We can like someone, and they can like us, but unless one side gets up the nerve to start something then well, nothing ever materializes.  This is especially common in a situation where you have two geeks who are interested in one another.  You’re more likely to experience the recreation of the universe than to see anything happen between the two of them.  I think the reason for this is because geek girls can still hold appeal to average men if they know how to smile, laugh at jokes, and apply makeup in an adequate manner to be considered pretty.  But for geek boys, well frankly they’re just screwed.

Though my brain functions very much in a male mindset when it comes to relationships and the whole nature vs. nurture scenario, I consider myself to be old-fashioned when it come to who makes the first move.  I also find that my radar when it comes to flirtation is rather skewed, being that most of the time I can’t tell someone has been flirting to me until later, at which point I administer the required *headpalm*.  I am rather oblivious, and on the rare occasion that a geek boy is flirting with me I don’t understand it, and they typically interpret this as a rejection.  So they stop doing it.  Many a fine relationship could have probably happened if I wasn’t so ignorant, or if they were more obvious.

Being a very nervous person and afraid of rejection, I know it doesn’t make it easy on geek boys when they do actually flirt with me and I don’t react.  But geeks are not as direct as other people who are less afraid of rejection and believe that if this opportunity doesn’t pan out, well there are plenty of others out there.  We tend to put a lot of time and focus into that person, so when we try to make a move and they seem unreceptive it’s quite the let down and discourages us from further action.

Or, we just never get up the balls to do it.  Period.

We’ll revisit the S situation in regards to this, since it’s a prime example.  When talking about him to C she didn’t hesitate to place him in the geek boy category.  And, thinking back on the details of our interaction I tend to have to agree with her.  I know there are other factors involved that might explain his lack of making a move, but I think she is right that he would never have initiated any moves.  We were both highly intoxicated, but I was the one that started stroking his hand, inviting the snuggling.  He did take slight initiative in asking to bite me, which was fine.  But when his mouth was hovering over mine, as if he wanted to kiss me, I was the one that actually made the kiss happen.  After that he was fully into it.    But his movements and actions always seemed a little hesistant, and he gave this vibe of being very nervous about the situation.  Which struck me as odd since he gives off this arrogant persona at time, that in the bedroom he would suddenly become somewhat unconfident.  Especially since I tend to be the opposite:  nervous getting into it, but once we’re in the bed I become much more confident.

Granted with S I did have some nervousness, but it wasn’t necessarily related to him, but moreso to the reprecussions of our actions in the days to come after.  After the sex, the geek awkwardness returned in full force.  We barely talked, didn’t touch, and in general just laid there in an atmosphere of general weirdness.  I didn’t know what to say or do.  Should I cuddle?  Should I make bad jokes?  Should I offer to make breakfast?  I suck at reading body language, so I just continued to lay there.  I remember saying something, and S making a flippant remark that actually made me wince, which is a natural reaction for him I think when I hit a nerve.  Whenever I say something that strikes the truth he usually says something like an asshole, or he changes the subject.  Which I also do, and many geeks I know do.  We suck at showing emotion.

Following suit on the S front, things have been rather quiet, and a large part of that is probably due to the fact that I was on vacation and far away from his influence.  Granted, last week I did consume perhaps too much alcohol and messaged him.  When I joked about him coming over and drinking he apparently was willing to take me up on the offer, which is rather out of the ordinary.  Then again, the offer makes the entire situation out of the ordinary.  But then I went afk and my friend took over and spoke with S about some things.  I reread the log later, and I think it gave me a bit of necessary clarity.  Since then I have found myself to not be liking S as much.  I still like and respect him as a person, but at the same time I don’t feel this compulsive need to talk or be around him.

Last night he was commenting on my facebook, so I messaged him and invited him over if he wanted to drink.  He said he would consider it.  He mentioned his desire to play Rockband, and I told him it was ironic since I was currently playing Guitar Hero.  Weird coincidences.  I called him on his inability to say no, and that if he didn’t want to come over to just say so.  Instead he said he was still considering.  Whatever, I played games and talked to some friends, then went to bed.   S may be chaos, but he is not the center of my universe.  I discussed with C how I think I am getting over the whole S effect, and she said ‘for now’.  It’s kind of sad how this is a cyclical event for me.  But I’m hoping this is a three strike policy, and this time I am fully breaking the habit.

While I am not looking for a relationship, I think I would be very happy in a friends with benefits situation.  But not with S.  The issue is that I don’t exactly have someone specifically in mind, nor am I really familiar with how to meet someone for this type of arrangement.  I don’t want a manwhore, or a scorching case of herpes, but I don’t want someone that I could see myself dating either.  Conundrum.

“According to Albert Einstein’s special theory of relativity, c is an important constant connecting space and time in the unified structure of spacetime. As such, it defines the conversion between mass and energy and is an upper bound on the speed at which matter and information can travel.”

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One Response to “The G Force”

  1. 1 Ken Kendall

    I can’t say that you hear very many great endings to friends with benefits scenarios. I do know that a man that loves, truly loves a woman is better than any other option.

    I just started a new blog about how men can better love women. Take a look if you have a chance. I would love to hear what you think.

    http://whatsheneedsfromyou.wordpress.com

    Thanks,


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