The S Effect

31Aug09

wired mess

In my life there have been many men who have wandered through that have left various negative effects in their wake.   However, I don’t think any thus far have induced the amount of chaos into my life as S has.  It’s not bad, just a lot of uncertainty and confusion.  For that he shall be regarded as the second law of thermodynamics, the entropy in my life.  Pure and simple disorder.

Normally I wouldn’t have an issue with a little disorder in my life.  I like spontaneity … in moderated dosages but not in a constant flux.  And the unfortunate part about this situation is that there is always confusion, unknowns, and a lack of clarity in matters relating to S.

A summarized version of things – when I first met S I was already in a relationship, but one that was having its issues.  However I’m not the type of person that would ever, EVER, cheat.  So though I did have a bit of a crush on him, nothing would ever come from it.  Things with the boyfriend dissolved and I entered a ‘men are evil’ state and pretty much swore them off for awhile.  I believe at one point S did indirectly invite me into a fwb situation, which I thought he was joking and laughed off.  A fault on my part.  We talked on and off, but nothing really extreme.  Didn’t really hang out or anything.  A year and some later we both ended up at the same place at the same time, and after consuming massive amounts of alcohol we ended up in bed together.

The status of things post-coitus has been unclear, and it does not follow the normal rules of male-female engagement.  My one friend repeatedly enlightens me that men are friends with women because they want to have sex with them, but once they have had sex that need to be friends dissipates.  When he suggested this theory I pointed out to him that we are friends but he has no desire to sleep with me, and he postulated that occasionally a real friendship can come out of these situations.  So while at first he may have been trying to get into my panties, now he regards me as a platonic friend.  But apparently this is a common rule with men.

This is where disorder is messing with the rules.  Because since the sex has been had there has been an increase in communication.  Instead of withdrawing he messages me more, and we have actually hung out without any major catastrophes.  Also without any advances.  Being inquisitive I did question disorder about what our status was, being friends, acquaintances, or something else (since sex had been had it does make things different).  He stated we’re now friends, and acquaintances also, and the sex just happened.  Which is true, since it wasn’t really planned.  So he didn’t really answer the question, creating more confusion.

The few times since then that I have prompted to hang out I have been greeted with the predicted reaction:  no response, or better put a change of subject.  Never a yes or no, just the topic being left hanging.  So his actions are indicating a lack of interest, the only logical conclusion.  But then he initiates conversations with me more often, in some cases several days in a row.  It’s not like the conversations have a distinct purpose, they are just fluff-filler that keep going and going.  So the conclusion for that behavior would be that he is interested.  Conflicting messages.  One of my friends has a hypothesis about this, but it will likely become its own post topic.

So the S situation and the chaos it is causing on my life is rather annoying.  On one hand I do enjoy his company and we do have a lot in common.  It’s just always hot or cold with him.  At this stage I would be happy just knowing one way or the other where he’s at.  I’m not asking for a relationship, but there are things I wouldn’t mind doing with him.  The main issue being that I am not an aggressive personality, and having to do all the work is kind of getting tiresome.  Woman (and scientist) can only survive for so long without making a discovery and solving some mystery.  This one never seems to give any usable results, just keeps circling over and over.

This was not the topic that I was planning to document today, but S made an appearance this morning.  Which amused me, but also threw my brain for a loop.  Chaos at its finest.

Entropy is a state function in that it depends only on the initial and final state of the system, regardless of the path by which the changes take place. However, the changes are supposedly take place slowly over a long period of time, or in an almost equilibrium or reversible condition.”

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