Introduction

29Aug09

Take the red pill or ....

As I begin this journey into an evaluation of being a single female of the age of 30, I really wonder if the world needs another journal in which to read.  But then I realize this isn’t necessarily for the masses … though should the observations I make have any positive impact for others, then good.  The point of all of this is for me to empty my brain and keep all of its theories stored in one specific location.

Also, it might help for me to be able to perceive patterns in my history a lot easier if I am keeping a running tab on external stimulus.  Ahem.

I personally have had no ill effects what so ever about being single at the age of 30.  In fact, I was somewhat in a “relationship” (used loosely) upon my 30th birthday, which I ended a few days later (most likely this will be chronicled in a future installment in regards to failures).   So at the moment of turning 30 I wasn’t technically single, but I chose to be so shortly after.  Thus, this entire experiment is technically self-inflicted.

What has me curious is why society views this as such a bad thing?  In the past few months I have heard countless times remarks from others about how I am not getting younger, or how sad it is to see females single at this point in their lives.  My sister at one point turned to me and said: “I admire you, because if I was 30 years old and still single I’d want to kill myself.”

….

Excuse me?  At what point was the idea of being unattached akin to something worthy of a death sentence?  When did society start to believe that a woman on her own is a sad thing?  Why is it acceptable for a man to wait until he’s in his mid-30s to settle down, but a woman has to be married off before she hits the big 3-0?  These are the things I hope to answer with the creation of this journal.

So as this begins I should probably give a brief synopsis of the current state of things.  This will be rather short and sweet since I’m sure these will each be evaluated in depth in time.

– My last long-term significant relationship ended in February 2008.  It was not mutual, and it was somewhat messy because of this.  I recently had a fling with someone for about 8 months and this ended in May of 2009.  Again, it was not mutual and it was somewhat messy because of this.

– I have only recently started re-emerging into the social scene in a more active role.  Prior to this I would be content with occasional stimuli, but for the last few months I have been pushing myself to be more sociable.  This has been good because it keeps me busy, but bad because it is putting me in a situation where I am meeting single males.

– I’m back and forth over whether or not I want a relationship at this point.  I think I am leaning more towards the ‘not’ than actively pursuing one.  My philosophy is that if one wandered along I would not be adverse to its occurrence, but it would be dependant on the other person involved.  And I am very specific in what I like in people (others call this picky).

– I am somewhat infatuated with a boy at this time.  Infatuated might be a strong word, I’m not quite sure of the appropriate terminology here.  I know that I like him, but I am not exactly sure what is his status.  Also, I’m not sure if the idea with a relationship with him would be wise.  My brain is directing me more towards the ‘friends with benefits’ route, though no progress has been made here.  There is a lot of unknown.

To have begun is to have done half the task; dare to be wise.” – Horace

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